At approximately 7:45pm on November 28, 2017 my mother said to me “why don’t you try one of those dating sites.”  It finally happened, my mother realized I could not get a boyfriend on my own, and had succumb to me being possibly kidnapped and murdered through an online website in order for her to ever see me get married.

I had attempted on online dating app, Bumble, on July 4th weekend and it lasted for about 10 minutes. After having my friends decide on what photos to use and letting them swipe away, I was told by a married friend that I needed to get off the app, that I had “too much going for me to use an app.” Boy, was HE WRONG, but we will get to that later. I deleted the app off my phone, or so I thought, and went about celebrating the birth of our great nation for the next 3 days. I then realized I had 4 Facebook messages the following week from guys who had matched with me on Bumble, but I had not messaged them. For those who have never been on Bumble, the whole idea is that as the girl, you have to message the guy, they can’t message you first. Clearly these dudes were not into that part of the app and decided to take a more, um, direct approach.  I learned after having tacos and margs with a friend, we shall call her Mary, that deleting the app does not delete your profile and she had to show me how to go back in and delete it. Needless to say, failure.

I have friends of friends who have been to Bumble and Tinder weddings, hell, an ex-boyfriend of mine met a coworker’s ex-girlfriend and they recently were married, welcome to my small-big city and my life that is good enough for a Bravo! TV Show. However, something about using a dating app has just always turned me off. Reading Aziz Ansari’s Modern Romance certainly didn’t help my already judgmental mind. Swiping through pictures seems like the most shallow way to approach dating; this coming from the most judgmental girl in the world. I am also an extremely jealous person (remind me why I’m single again, judgmental, jealousy issues…) and thinking about the fact that while they’re sitting on a date with you, they could go to the bathroom, find out they made another match, and now they’re only thinking about the next date. You’re one of a 100 dates they have lined up.

I have tried meeting people the “old-fashioned” way: through friends, at parties, at the gym, but none of these seem to work out. I am either too jealous, too controlling, want an actual relationship, or they can’t handle my amazing sarcasm and wit. It’s some to the point where none of my friends have friends to introduce me to, and my closest friends, like Mary, are in the same boat I am.  They are all on Bumble and they share their horror stories, as well as their successes. I have decided to take the plunge and I am going to share my dating experiences through multiple apps and blog about them, as well as use stories from my friends. Think of it like Taylor Swift (my all-time girl crush), names will be changed, not that any one will even read this blog, but just in case they google my name and BOOM there they are. I hope you will join me as I embark on my online dating journey and laugh and cry, probably a lot of crying, with me. LET’S DO THIS!