I heard on a TV show once, I think Grey’s Anatomy, “Never marry the one you think you can live with, marry the one you can’t live without.” Apparently, Dr. James Dobson said this first, at least I feel better about letting a line from a TV melodrama run my dating life…

So before I share all about the stresses and fun of setting up a profile, I thought I should probably share how my view of dating in my late 20s has affected my perspective. I have not had a serious relationship since I turned 25, I turned 30 in February 2018. I define a serious relationship as “I am seriously considering marrying this person.” I don’t define my relationship by time, you can fall in love with someone in 3 months, or never, after a year. I have always been picky and I am not one to settle. The issue with this is that I am always wondering, “is there something better, something that makes me feel butterflies and fireworks.”

My friend, Brad, made the most profound theory a few years ago, social media has killed relationships. Our grandparents never got divorced because it was seen as such a sin and embarrassment to the family. Our parents started messaging their high school flames through email or Facebook and thus the cheating era began and it became more common to divorce your spouse. Then comes our generation, where we can see on Facebook and Instagram that there are more attractive people out there, someone is always better looking than what we have, we are always wondering “could I do better?”

I learned very quickly last year to not ask men why they married their wives. Answers I heard were “we dated through college and our masters degrees, it was just time, I guess” or “she couldn’t do any better than me, so I felt I had to ask her…”  YES! That was a real response people, and he is MARRIED NOW!!! MARRIED! I AM SINGLE, where did I go wrong?!  I’ve digressed, back on track… When asking a wife when she knew she was going to marry her husband, the answers are much more along the lines of a romantic comedy, “I had butterflies” or “I knew no one else could make me feel the way he did.” Talk about a difference of “why.” Disclaimer, I do have friends who actually love each other. My friends George and Megan have been married for 4 years and when I asked George why he married Megan, his response, “I out-kicked my coverage by 90 yards, had to lock it down,” how ADORABLE is that?!

Now, I am not heartless and I am not naive. I know no one is going to check every box and make me see fireworks every time we kiss, no matter how many times Taylor Swift and Brett Eldredge tell me I will. But I also do not see the point in dating someone when you know they aren’t the one for you. I feel like I see a lot of girls my age getting married because they truly feel that “it’s time” or they are getting “too old.” I think this is a ridiculous reason to agree to spend your life with someone. At one bridal shower I attended, the bride said, “I feel like I have to get married soon, all my friends are already married with kids.” SERIOUSLY?! That is not a reason to get married, but how hypocritical do I look when I have never been married. My friend Andrew and I actually take screenshots of people’s wedding photos we are friends with on Facebook and send them to each other when it is very clear they did not get married for love. I know this sounds jaded, but if I could show y’all these photos, you would not disagree with us. Andrew is now dating a 45 year old mom who is currently separated from her husband…maybe we are the problem.

All I want is a guy I am sexually and mentally attracted to, someone who speaks fluent sarcasm and I don’t feel like it’s a chore to hang out with. More to come on this subject in a later blog. I live in a city that was voted the second worst “major” -let’s use that word loosely- in AMERICA for singles. Everyone attractive is married or in a committed relationship. I have beautiful friends who feel my pain, so I know I am not alone. We tell each other that guys would be idiots not to date us, but where are we going wrong? It can’t be us, right?  I don’t know if online dating is really going to improve my view on “modern dating” but it certainly can’t get any worse right? Or can it?