Today is the honest portion of the blog, this will be dripping with so much sarcasm that Winnie the Pooh will be jealous. Also, pretty sure grammatically that sentence was a mess, oh well, #WhyImSingle

Stage 5: Acceptance

I know my faults, to the point that, because I know them, I think they are excusable. Clearly this is not the case. Also, side-note, we were taught in school to put 2 spaces between the period and the next sentence, but it seems so far now, sorry-our local coffee shop serves 9.5% ABV beer -shout out to Bold Bean! They say that when you’re on a date you should never talk poorly about yourself, my friend Jack says I do this too much, that I put myself down and then guys don’t want to date me. What does Jack know? He’s older than me and single too…Lord have mercy, I am awful. Actually, he is also a great friend and has called me out on more than one occasion and helped me see my faults so I could write this blog years later. Thanks Jack!

Faults

1.Pretentious-characterized by assumption of dignity or importance, especially when exaggerated or undeserved

I am pretentious. I went to the University of Florida, accepted Fall Semester, it comes with your diploma, you are pretentious. I really don’t care if you went to college and/or where you went. My father never went to college and he is more intelligent than I ever will be, but apparently I give off that air. I also grew up Southern Baptist, we are bred in judgement and pretentiousness, but really, that’s our own fault. I loved my church and the people I grew up with, but it wasn’t until college I realized how other people saw us.

2. Sarcastic- a sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark

My mother has been on my ass (sorry mama, remember the alcohol) about this since I was in high school. My entire family is hilarious, a lot funnier than me, and to keep up you have to be witty. Apparently you’re not supposed to be sarcastic and a teacher, but that ship sailed a very long time ago. My entire family is willing to sacrifice your feelings for a joke, so I learned to have very thick skin at an early age, and as the only female until the youngest was born, I had to adapt. I learned from the last guy I went on two dates with, sarcasm is not always appreciated.

3. unrealistic- not realistic

I have listened to Taylor Swift and Brett Eldredge for far too long. Most of you know the Taylor that’s all about the breakups, I know the Taylor that has loved and lost. I listen to her music, especially the newest, and think “I can have that.” Brett Eldredge talks about women in the most honorable and sexy way, that if a man can’t treat me like that, I want nothing to do with them. I hate Rom-Coms because I want my life to be them and it never is. I can’t read my favorite book of all time, Little Women because that’s not the world we live in. I want a guy that will open my car door, pay my tab, and kiss my forehead. Screw feminism…that’s a different conversation, sorry for all 0 people that read this that I offended.

4. I like sports

This sounds sexy to a guy, until they realize that I will choose a Florida Gator football game over them, or when I know more about FSU’s baseball team than them. Every guy says they want a girl that likes sports, but that is not true. You’re either the girl that knows too much or the one that is “too involved.” I know that it’s weird that I still love a team that went 4-7, and I will miss your wedding to watch us play Charleston Southern (hey, it could be the only game we win). I also love going to sporting events, all of them.

5. Competitive- have a strong desire to compete or succeed

I. MUST. WIN. EVERYTHING. This is rooted deep in my family. We use sarcasm and wit until someone has no comeback or someone leaves the dinner table crying. I will be all fun and games until I lose, ask Mary about beerfest or Natalie about cornhole. This also means I want to be #1 in your life, but it doesn’t mean your #1 in mine. Yes, hypocrisy, I know. I told you, I know my faults. The games I play are mind-games and I do it without even realizing it, I challenge how much you like me.  I literally turn everything into a competition, who can wash dishes better, who can drive faster, who can put their pants on faster. Anything.

 

So yes, I have a lot of faults.  But I like to believe that for the right person, I would check myself and move heaven and earth to do what I can to make them happy. But that is yet to be decided.