Warning: This is not as funny as the others, but don’t worry, humor will be back!

So, it’s been over a week since I joined the “Bumble” and I have not been on one date, I had one guy weirdly show up and I am going on a date tonight (let’s hope I don’t die so y’all can read this), I will be writing all about my first Bumble date afterwards, but until then, let’s go through my thoughts after a week of “communication.”

Step 1: The initial message

Again, I readdress that I have a new respect for guys hitting on girls, with that said, I have some serious problems with these dudes. So, after sending my super witty and cute opening message, aka, “hi, I have no clue what I am doing and my friends say I should more than ‘hi,’ so this is it. how are you?” I usually received a response within an hour. One problem that I have is that I do not have a job that is conducive to flirting on Bumble because I have an actual job, unlike some people on this app… On average, I wake up between 5am-6am and I am on the road to work at 7:30am; I’m at work until at least 4pm and then I either tutor until 6:30pm or I go to work at my other part-time job (oh, but please tell me how “it must be so greeeeatttt to be a teacher and have summer offs, dude, no single teacher I know only teaches, we all have part-time jobs and we all work over the summer. Sorry, rant over). I usually get home between 7pm-8pm and then I need to play with my animals and eat.  This means I send my messages between 5am-7:30am and 8pm-9pm, I have an early bedtime, don’t judge me. Needless to say, my messages are lacking. Pretty sure my lack of attention is affecting the amount of guys who ask me out

Step 2: The Flirting

Bumble is a great app if all you want to do is flirt and ask awkward questions all day, but never actually get asked out. There’s a lot of the initial “getting to know you” questions and then maybe, just maybe, you’ll exchange real numbers.  My issue here is that I have already matched on the guy and I have sent the message, why are going through 20 questions before we exchange numbers and go out. It seems to me that if I have already initiated everything, you should be asking when we should meet within at least 24 hours. I also have a hard time taking anyone seriously who doesn’t text properly.

Step 3: The Number Exchange

One guy asked for my number and then never texted me, cool bro, real cool. Others would text me, ask me out, I would be busy (remember I have like 5 jobs), and then they wouldn’t ask again. This just reminds me of the competition you have on here. While a guy may be texting you, he’s texting 10 other girls and trying to line up a date, it’s very cut throat. Which brings up another question: how many guys do you talk to at once, what’s considered reasonable? I can barely remember who I have matched with and who does what. The numbers I do get are put in my phone as “John Bumble Professional Tennis Player” or “Vic Bumble Military.” I’m constantly having to go back in the app and look at photos to remind me. It’s stressful and I am getting bored and tired.

Step 4: The Date

This is TBD

I know I am not the best at flirting or texting or putting myself out there (yet I am writing a blog, hmmm), but I feel like I am going through 40 matches and maybe getting 5 numbers and only 1 date. If this is the average effort I have to put in, I am not willing.