Today’s post will be about the shallowness of Bumble (which is basically the entire essence of Bumble). Specifically the photos and the questions that follows.  Most of these rules were given to me by friends, things I would never have thought of, but apparently it’s common knowledge.

The Negatives

Head Shots- I was told if there were no full length body photos it meant the person was overweight. I am not here to be politically correct, I am allowed to say that is a negative.

Shirtless Photos- Several women told me that if his main picture is a shirtless photo then he is a douchebag (fun fact, I can never spell that word, always have to google it). This seems obvious, but then I realized that I have a photo of me in a bathing suit, does this mean I am a douchebag?

Photos with Kids- Usually if there are kids in the photos they’re his. I understand crap happens and you get a divorce and you have children, but I wish there was a filter for guys with kids. I am just not ready to handle someone else’s children, I do that every day at work, I’m maxed out.

Photos with other Girls- I said this before, I don’t understand having your ex in a photo on Bumble, seems like you’re just doing it wrong. I was also told that some couples go on Bumble and are looking for a threesome, aw, hell no! Actually, while at Happy Hour with a girl friend Friday she pulled up Tinder where there was a guy who’s profile photo was his girlfriend #weird

The Positives

Dogs- I don’t care how creepy you look, if you have a dog in several photos and you can include them in your bio, I am probably going to swipe right. Why be selfish and only look for a date for me? Albie needs friends too. For those who don’t know, Albie is my very handsome, very gifted, giraffe of a Golden Retriever. He turns 4 in 2 weeks, early birthday wishes and gifts are welcomed.

Friends- If you have photos with a bunch of your friends and they’re attractive, I am matching with you. I can pretend that I am doing this out of the kindness of my heart for all my other single friends, but really, what’s the harm in meeting other attractive people through a Bumble date?

Questions

I talked to someone who was catfished on Bumble. He was supposed to meet a cute blonde at the bar, instead it was a 200lb black woman. I asked if he just left, but NO! He stayed! WHAT?! Pictures can be photoshopped and you can pick the ones that show off your best side, so I understand being disappointed, but meeting someone the opposite of their photos is a little scary!

So while messaging a guy who had adorable photos, a dog, wasn’t divorced, didn’t have kids, basically perfect, he came straight out and told me:

“I am 5’10 and I don’t have a nice car, just so you know.”

Uhhh…at first I was completely taken aback. I asked him if girls really asked what car he drove and he confirmed, way to hold down the gold digger reputation ladies. The height thing I understood.  One of my biggest concerns is height, I understand that some people think I am a horrible person, but it makes me feel like I am a giant and unproportional if I’m standing next to a guy and I am taller than him. I am also 5’9, I am not some 5’4 girl saying a guy has to be 6’4. If you’re that girl, BACK OFF! You can date someone my height and they still have 5 inches on you, if you date all the 6’4 dudes, you leave nothing for those who need that 5 inch differential. Anyways, he followed it up with this question:

“If girls can ask a guy how tall he is before meeting them, and rule them out on height, why can’t a guy ask a girl how much she weighs?”

This hit me, he was so right! Talk about a double standard. I mentioned this to my aunt who followed it with, “well some do ask about your bra size.” Touché.

I was nervous about meeting my first Bumble date because of height. I confirmed with a friend that it was okay to ask this question because it’s not like people are swiping right on Bumble because of personalities, the entire app is built on shopping by looks for a mate/date.  Let’s just say the guy didn’t take it well- that’s a story for a later blog- and I felt awful.  However, I was glad I asked and was willing to share my weight and measurements if need be. This is one of the things about Bumble I haven’t been enjoying.

While hating on how shallow the whole thing is, you are sucked into the same world and pretty much rationalize all your decisions as “everyone else is doing it” or “it’s not as bad as some people.” At least at the bar you can literally size up a person before hand. Bumble is making me realize how shallow my generation is and how I am part of the problem. But hey, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. (Not sure that phrase works here…)