Sorry y’all, this is not about me rejoining Bumble, but I will be writing about the 1.5 dates I went on before, don’t you worry.

Today is about reflection in a relationship. We all love to complain about why we aren’t in relationships, but then when we are in one, we don’t look at ourselves and see how we can be improving for our partner. A lot of time it’s tough because we are just so focused on the other person’s happiness that we don’t communicate with each other for fear of being broken up with.  I have never been afraid of confrontation, this made me a great manager (the beginning was tough, weirdly, people don’t like being told what they’re doing is wrong), but I have learned that sometimes, your significant other may not be on the same page. Confrontation is good in a relationship when met head-on because it gives both sides a chance to air their feelings and see how they can change.

However, for reflection you can’t just be into confrontation, but you have to be able to receive criticism and apply it. When receiving feedback I have always been stone-faced and just kind of nod, I don’t acknowledge what the other person is saying is right,even though I know they are. What I am good at, is looking at it from their perspective and finding the truth.

About a month ago I was told that I am spiteful in relationships by someone close to me.  This really hurt at first, I know spiteful people, I am not one of them, but as I looked at my past and current relationships, I realized what they were trying to say (though ‘spiteful’ isn’t the word I would use).  I mentioned this in an earlier blog, I get jealous and I try to be the center of my SO’s (‘significant other’ for the slow people in the back) life. What is seen as spiteful is me challenging that person’s feelings for me and my actions can be seen as trying to be spiteful. As a woman, I need to be told that you care for me and when I am not being told it, I will then challenge it so you prove it to me, and sometimes I go too far. What I am looking for is attention.

ATTENTION

In most relationships we start out on our best behavior and give it 100% effort.  My problem is, when my SO stops showing the same attention he did at the beginning when he was pursuing me I go into typical “crazy girl” mode-this will be addressed in a minute btw.  I immediately think something is wrong: he’s cheating on me, I gained weight, I am not as fun as he thought, he met someone better. These are usually far from the truth, but of course, I read between every line, every hour that he doesn’t respond, and with every short “ok” he sends. As time goes on, I increasingly get paranoid and then the self-destruction begins-we will save that for another blog on another day where more alcohol is in involved.

CRAZY GIRL- I think some girls are absolutely insane, I knew a girl who purposely skipped her birth control and had sex with the guy she was in love with just so she could get pregnant-she’s now married to him (again, where did I go wrong?!). BUT, not every girl who calls a guy multiple times or sends multiple texts is crazy. No one wants to be ghosted, especially after sharing close moments and “i love you,” so we start the “I’ll just drive to house to talk to him” or “I’ll text his bff.” We don’t mean to be crazy, we just care too much and we need answers. I recently shared this photo on my instagram and I am pretty sure it’s 99% of women everywhere.

A friend commented “this is so you it hurts” and it’s true, I‘ve also said before on this blog that I am a hypocrite, so I know... So many girls need attention and we all say we don’t and it’s really not true. I’ve told a boy “I only need a good morning and good night text and it’s fine.” I say it and I want to believe it, but it’s not, and GOD FORBID he doesn’t send those two texts because then I go craaaazy thinking of the million reasons why he didn’t.

Reflection and Attention

So when I reflect, I see that I am ‘spiteful’ and I have to change, but not enough where I get run over (this happens a lot too-again, another blog, another day). I have to say “I am sorry” a lot because I am learning and no one changes overnight. I also need attention and I have to be upfront with that in a relationship, again, I have to be understanding of the other persons time and not jump to conclusions. We all know that saying something and doing it, are two different things, but the first step is to acknowledge our flaws in our relationships and work to fix them the best we can.