From the title you may think this post is about the ones we love and the lies they tell us, but it’s not, it’s about the lies we tell ourselves. I have mentioned in other blog posts how we as women, especially millennials, do not want to come off as needy. So, we lie to the guys we meet, we tell them we aren’t looking for anything serious, we don’t care about dating, and hell no do we think about marriage. But let’s be real ladies, that’s all a sham. For the three guys that read this post, I hate to break it to you, but that unicorn you’re looking for, the girl who is vulnerable and kind, yet witty and independent, she doesn’t actually exist. Even if you found such a girl, she would be lying to herself, we all want it, we all need it, companionship.

Most people will agree with me, companionship is in our human nature and it’s not weird to want someone to watch the premier of Survivor or catch up on every f-ing season and every f-ing name of Game of Thrones. Where we may start to disagree is what type of companionship we are looking for. Girls, we act like a simple hang out guy friend is enough, but it’s not. We know this is true because when we hang out with a guy friend that is not attractive, we still feel empty and like it was a waste of time (no offense, but true). Then when we find a guy we are attracted to and they tell us they don’t want anything serious, we convince ourselves it’s OK because it’s just like hanging out with the guy friend we aren’t attracted to and what’s the harm?

I have been warned by so many girlfriends of falling down this rabbit hole of “nothing serious,” and I too, have warned others, but when we are in the situation, it’s totally different. I am that friend that will dish out all the advice you need (fun fact, I’m right 99% of the time), but I do not take my own advice. I know when other people are right, I know when I am right, and yet, I throw it out the window because I want to prove that it isn’t true and I can totally be the “cool girl” not looking for anything. But it’s a lie, I am so looking for something and I am hoping that the guy eventually sees that I am awesome and there is no one else like me.

Let’s be real, that isn’t going to happen. If a guy doesn’t realize how amazing you are within the first couple hangouts, he isn’t going to all of a sudden see the light you so desperately want him to see. I am not saying those guys don’t want anything, most of them are just afraid of commitment or being tied down and realizing later they made a mistake, and most dudes do not like confrontation, at least with a woman. I am living proof of guys hating confrontation, my ex of six months decided to ghost me, instead of simply texting “this isn’t working” and blocking me like a normal person.  However, no matter how many times we prove to our friends they are right and we can’t be the “cool girl,” we continue to go through this bullshit, even at 31 years old when we definitely know better.

So the question I have is, how do we get out of it?  I mean we are in it, most of the time too deep, and yet we don’t leave the toxic relationship we have put our self in, yes I said relationship because that is what it is.  I guess the best way is to quit it cold turkey, but then that begs the question of the wonderful 2019 day and age of: on what social accounts?  I am known for blocking old flames on everything because of the classic “out of sight, out of mind.”  We obviously unfollow them on insta and twitter and the like, but do we block them from following us? This goes for ex’s too. My friend Mary will unfollow her ex’s, but she doesn’t block them, her philosophy is, I want them to see the fun I am having without them. My mother takes the opposite position, she doesn’t believe they deserve to see what I am doing and if they wanted me out of their life I should kick them out of my mine. So what’s a girl to do?

To be fair, a lot of guys will tell us upfront that they don’t want anything and we don’t listen, please understand, I am not attacking the males in these situations. I am simply stating the fact that this isn’t actually true to most people and we all kid ourselves, but women, we are the worst. We look for those “fixer uppers” and we convince ourselves that we are different and we can change our mind, when it simply isn’t the case. I guess the moral of the story is, listen to your friends and you heart, we know the truth, we know the expectations, and we are let down every time, so stop kidding ourselves and stop blaming the guys who tell us the truth. It’s not their fault that we can’t change them and we have to get ride of the idea that we are Sarah Jessica Parker in “Failure to Launch.” (If you haven’t seen that movie, you officially have something to do this weekend.)