Yall, it’s time for a pity party. I really haven’t had one in a year, since I met my last boyfriend last June (the one that ghosted me on our 6 month anniversary to never to be heard from again, but still watches my instastories) and it’s a bit overdue. I am going to whine to yall for a bit, while I eat another meal alone at the bar, and by eat a meal, I mean drink one. Shout out BEARDED PIG!

Why is it, that as a laaaaady, I can never have the guy I want. I can get the sweet boy next door that literally does nothing wrong and I will shun them every time, by no fault of their own, I am just a horrible person. My mother keeps telling me it’s because God doesn’t think I am ready for a relationship, seriously, really, kill me now. I guess the positive is that I am not 31 and divorced with a kid, but I have some friends that are and I think they are happier than most married couples, pour one out for the single moms because you are angels that don’t get enough credit.

Anyways, back to me. duh. So in the last month and a half I have had a guy tell me I am too difficult and he would never date me (tell me something I don’t know-like do you even read my blog?!), a friend text me because she found the perfect guy for me and gave him my number (he never called, let’s be real, he never sent a text), my parents’ friend offer to set me up on a blind date (the guy refused to meet me), and another guy ask for my number after a concert (and never text). Seriously. WTF.

I texted my gal pals today with the following:

Yes yall, I know, this is some serious basic white girl, first world problem shit. I am basically Madison from This Is Us. A self-proclaimed pretty girl who can’t get a date with someone she finds attractive- this is a huge caveat, I am not calling the guys who ask me out not attractive, some of them are HOT, but it’s just not there, the chemistry that I have grown up my whole life believing should be there. Now, notice I am not complaining about the dudes that don’t call back after a couple dates (except the ex) because I know that I am a pain in the ass and I am difficult, but these dudes don’t even know it yet! My friends are all way nicer than me so if they’ve never met me, they have to think I am as sweet as my friends, right? I know my limits people, I know my faults.

At what point do I give up, join a nunnery, or start applying to teach English in China and get away from it all? I get it, I hear it, “God’s timing,” blah blah blah. That is not comforting right now Karen! I am an extremely picky girl and when I see something I like, I want to be Ariana Grande: “I see it, I like it, I want it, I bought it.” BUT IT ISN’T WORKING!!! I try really hard not to get excited or worked up. When the one friend told me about the guy she met and wanted us to go on a date, I was extremely cautious, but then she convinced me he was awesome so then I got excited and thus devastated when he didn’t text. Which brings me to my next point.

WHAT.THE.F*CK.GUYS.

Why do you ask for a girls number? Agree to go on a blind date? Get a girl’s info through a friend? AND. THEN. YOU. DONT. TEXT. HER. I need an explanation. At no point did some one guilt you into getting this information so why are you all the sudden backing out? You haven’t even met me, you think I am scary in a photo, wait until you ask me my opinion on UCF or how I feel about border patrol. YOU. DONT. EVEN. KNOW. Ok, maybe I just answered my own question, I am scary. But seriously, why do you get a girl’s hopes up just to let her down?

I understand I am being dramatic, I really do, but then part of me feels justified. I know I am not the only girl that feels this way, that feels discouraged and at the same time like an awful human because so many generous and wonderful guys would treat us the way we deserve and yet we don’t want it. I’ve said it in almost every post, I refuse to settle, even when I know that the guy is settling for me. I think I am just tired of being disappointed and tired of waiting.

Also, before some of you dudes go nuts and talk about how I am obsessed with being with someone. That’s bull. If I wanted a bf, I’d have one, I may not be infatuated, but i could. And I don’t think I should be ashamed of wanting a bf, it’s not what I center my life around, ask my dog, I don’t leave the house enough to be on the hunt. But I also will admit that I am tired of looking and wanting someone to want me the way I want them, and I think that is an okay feeling to have. I think it’s okay to wish and hope and pray for someone. And, I’d like to think, it’s okay to wonder what’s wrong with you or, what’s wrong with dudes, when you get to my age. I know my life is in God’s hands and I know that in the end, his will is what is best for me. But it also doesn’t mean I am not going to pull a Moses and complain the whole time he leads me there…

that’s a joke, settle down southern-Baptist aunts…

we all think it…